Slitheen Story: Eavesdropper
by Fort Farx Mudoon Slitheen
Summary: Jake is a fairly ordinary kid. Bored, tired, and a massive snoop. But he gets more than he bargained for when he decides to eavesdrop on a teacher meeting...
1. Chapter 1

Jake clambered out of bed... Yikes, he was exhausted. It was 8:30, and he was supposed to be in college by now, but he just couldn't be bothered. Lazy, fat, and utterly disinterested in the world around him, he waddled his way to his closet to get his clothes on for the day. His cute plaid shirt straddled tight against his waist as he sighed, pushing back his hazlenut-brown hair with his hand. Jake was a big lad, so he was, and he didn't really care. He just wanted to get on with life and do... "stuff". He sighed and rolled his eyes at everything in his way, strutting out the door with a piece of toast in his mouth, as he went on his way to school.

Time passed; it was now the middle of the day. Two classes had gone by - history, and maths. and Jake was utterly exhausted. He slammed his dinner plate onto the table with a sigh and a grumble, looking around the room. He spotted two teachers and a strange chubby old man, clearly not from the school due to his grey wispy hair, strange punk style despite his gentle, calm demeanour. He was wearing a bright pink shirt with light grey jeans, a piercing in his ear. It looked utterly out of place next to his old fragile face, covered in wrinkles and skin flaps alongside a double chin, but Jake didn't question it. The two teachers were in serious conversation, one fat with ginger hair and deep blue eyes, and the other the same weight but with blonde curly hair and a freckly face alongside brown eyes. Both were wearing a suit and tie, the school's uniform for teachers, as they glared around the room before rushing the strange old man off into another room down the hall. Jake, naturally, was curious. The lunch hall was humming with students and noise and the smell of food and sweat - he hated it in their anyway, and Jake? Well, he was quite the curious one and, in a way, quite the eavesdropper. So, possibilities rushing through their mind, he left his food and walked up through the corridor, leaning next to the door to make out what was being said...

"Come on, we can't keep doing this! These plans are utterly absurd. Let's just... I don't know, hang out for a while. Lay down low!" argued the strange old man. Jake wondered what he meant by that - maybe they were planning to do something... dangerous?!

"No, no. We're doing this NOW. We can't keep doing this brother. I mean... just look at how you're dressed!" said the teacher with the blonde curly hair, known to Jake as "Mr. Wilson". "It's absurd. You look absurd!"

"Oh come on, am I not allowed to have fun in this skin? Even if they ARE some old sack, they're quite comfortable..." said the old man.

What?... Jake didn't quite understand. Was the old man just being metaphorical? He wasn't sure, but he kept his ear to the door.

The other teacher, Mr Davis, was even sterner than Wilson, making a loud thud as he lay his hand on the nearby desk. "Srom Fex Crive! You cannot just treat this like a joke or a vacation! This is a business venture. We are desperate for money. You cannot lay around doing nothing whilst we do all the work!"

Jake was even more confused. What kind of name is that? Is it from another part of the world?

The strange old man then did something utterly bizzare. As Jake peeked through the glass pane, he could make out the strange old guy grasping the desk and farting profusely. *PFRRRARRPPPTT* "Oof, that was rough, I liked that one..."

"BROTHER! Stop messing around!" Said both teachers, nearly in unison.

The man, called "Srom" by the teachers, grinned sharply. "I'm not. It just seems like we have a _visitor_." He didn't look at the door, but pointed at it. Jake panicked - what was going on?! Who knows, he certainly didn't, but he ran. Ran and ran, right to his next class, hoping they hadn't noticed his face and seen who he was. Panting, he crashed through the classroom door, apologising desperately before continuing the rest of the day...

The bell rang. Home safe! Or, nearly... If he hadn't been stopped on his way out. The receptionist, a kind young lady, stopped him. "Jake. You've forgotten your bag... How exactly did you do that?"

"Oh, I... must've dropped it, so sorry, so so sorry. I'm on my way out! See you later, miss." Jake spurted out, quickly.

"Oh, and Jake? Before you go... Mr Wilson wanted to see you."

He froze.

What?! How could he know? Was it a coincidence? What was happening?

With a sigh of resignation, Jake walked to Wilson's classroom. Slowly. It felt like it took forever, it was daunting. Whatever was going on, Jake wanted little to do with it. But he was forced to, now. Why did he have to pry? Why was he such a snoop?

Knock knock! "Hello, Jake. Jake Grayson. How are you?" Wilson smiled a toothy grin, as he let Jake took a seat. "Now, I heard you stopped eating your lunch today. Are you doing okay?"

Jake sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just got bored and stopped eating it. I know it's a w-waste and I shouldn't have d-done it b-but..." They said, stammering.

"Hush. It's alright, Jake." Wilson said, grunting with a slight fart. *pfrrAARRrpt* "Oof, sorry Jake. Can you give me a second? I need to take care of myself in my cupboard real quick."

"I mean, alright sir. The cupboard, though? By the sounds of it, you should go to the toilet...?" Jake asked, confused.

"No. It's okay, Jake, I just need to check something out." Wilson grunted, waddling into his nearby cupboard room.

Jake twiddled his thumbs. He could heard some noises but he didn't really know what to say. He didn't want to pry, again. It only nearly got him in deep water last time. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. It was the other teacher and the "Srom" fellow.

Never mind. The deep water just took a while.

They let themselves in, and "Srom" locked the door.

"Hello, Jake." said Davis, ruffling his brown hair. "I see you're here too." He grunted, farting again. *Rrrarrrpptt!* "Oof, excuse me, eh brother?"

"Of course not, no need to excuse yourself dear brother." said "Srom". Grunting, he too farted. *Brrrarrppt!* "That one, that was deep, eh?" Jake was sat there, with a visible look of confusion on his face. He hadn't noticed the door was locked. He decided to check on Wilson, and noticed a bright blue light pouring out of the bottom crack of the door.

"Wilson...?" Jake shouted, perhaps a bit too loudly for someone only a door's length away. A loud crackly grunt responded alongside a roar, as the light died down. Jake shuddered until a giant claw crashed through the door, tearing it in twain, before both halves of it fell to the ground, as a massive green monster crouched through the doorway, before standing up tall and proud, the entire size of the classroom. It roared once more, and Jake looked to the other two in the room, who grinned and reached for their foreheads, pulling back on a zip on their foreheads as the blue light filled the room like water pouring into a mug. Jake was astonished.

'Srom' cackled. "You will be our first hunt. An easy one, for fun. A warm up..." They grinned as their eyes rolled back, the zip reaching the other side of their forehead as they let out a giant fart before tugging at... their own skin?! The monster next to Jake didn't attack him, but looked at the two others with an almost prideful smile until they had finally finished their unmasking and were all giant green monsters. Jake nearly fainted; their vision, blurry. They stammered backwards and landed on their ass, as the three giant monsters slowly lumbered towards him, drinking in his fear, until they finally got the kill they were so desperate for...


	2. Chapter 2

Jake had been missing for three weeks. His family had put posters up all over the local area, and yet no information about his dissapearance ever came up. Jake had dissapeared.

"Oof, he did taste good though, didn't he?" Srom cackled. He was in his human disguise, dressed as an old man in funky vibrant clothes. He was the janitor at the Clarksfield School, though he didn't really do much work. He was more of the lazy type. He hated the "family business" the Slitheen had of destroying planets and civilisations just to get money - he found it boring. He wanted to wear disguises and mess about hiding in civilisations whilst occasionally getting in a nice hunt, as was family tradition.

"Haha, hell yeah he did! If only you'd SHARED SOME." growled the man known as "Mr Wilson". He was also secretely a Slitheen under his human skin, but he was desperate to destroy the planet known as Earth and sell it's remains for credits. He was known as "Wilson" to the kids of the school, but "Fort Grorx Flex-Day Slitheen" to his family. But never mind all that - Wilson and his brother, known as Davis (or Clax Plem Flex-Day Slitheen to his family) were bored. Srom was, as always, slacking off with his legs stretched across Wilson's desk, playing with weird human toys like the "ball with a cup" and "GameBoy". As he was fiddling with them, Wilson came over and slammed his hand on the desk with a loud thud, causing Srom to throw his antiquated Gameboy into the air in fright.

"Srom! What the hell do you think you're up to? We're busy with the plan and you can't even do us the decency of pretending to care?" shouted Wilson.

Srom sighed, looking up from the floor, releasing an earth-shattering fart. "*PfrrrARRRBTTTT* - Oof, do excuse me sirs. I... Uh, don't care. Not about your plan, or about your lack of care for my lovely Gameboy! You two have to be so rude to me just because I don't go along with your idiocy." He stated quite matter of factly. "In fact..." Srom stood up, glaring unimpressed at his two brothers, before strutting out of the room. He opened the door to Wilson's room, looking back. "You two have fun with your profit planet-destroying crap. I'm gonna have FUN!" He shouted, exiting the room and throwing the door shut. Wilson and Davis rolled their eyes and went back to discussing their plan...

Srom was walking along a street, looking at all the beauty in the world. It wasn't as pretty as Raxacoricofallapatorious, but it was nice enough. It's not like he could go back to his home planet, nobody in his family could. They were criminals. He wishes he wasn't born as a Slitheen sometimes...

He stopped. He turned his head roughly 90 degrees and noticed someone standing in an alley between two buildings. He looked like one of the older kids he'd stumbled into at the school once, though he wasn't sure. His breathing got heavier as his big belly moved in time with it, his eyes squinting to try and see who it was exactly... before a car flew past, and the person was gone. Who was it? What were they staring so intently at him for? He wasn't sure, but there wasn't much he could do about it now. The man was clearly gone, and he couldn't run after him. Not in this skin, at least. Srom continued walking, hands in pockets, grumbling to himself about his brothers and the strange alleyway man, releasing many rumbly farts along his way home.

The wooden door was swung open. Srom clambered his way inside with a massive sigh of contempt. He shut his door before slamming himself into his couch and turning on the television.

"At least I can delight in some human comforts for a while..." Srom whispered to nobody but himself, before farting once more with a grunt. "*PHHRRRAPPT* Ooh... Blimey." He let out, before getting cosier into his seat and watching some mindless human programming. "Heh, what else is so human?"

Wilson and Davis were in the schools basement, messing with dials and switching as lights flashed around and screens whirred with light. "Fort, brother!", shouted Davis to his Slitheen bretheren, "Something's happening. Look, the meters are out of control! They're whizzing all the way... Oh. Oh, son of a Rexflon!"

Now, Davis and Wilson were panicking. Their system was going into overdrive. I couldn't possibly describe how it actually worked, but it seemed like it was going to suck all the electrical energy on the planet in order to simulatenously create an invulnerable shield around them in the basement, and to create an explosion big enough to destroy the planet inside out.

"It's going to...!" screamed Wilson and Davis in unison...

Srom was watching his television and playing with the ball and cup before - *BZZAPPT!* - the television made a loud electronical noise and shut off. "What the... HELL?! I was ENJOYING THAT!" yelled Srom, launching himself up in a way unnatural for his size, running towards his television set. He slammed his fists against it, knocking the side of it and clicking the power button repeadtedly. No response. Srom sighed, rolling his eyes. His eyes lit up in anger. "MY BROTHERS! THEY DID THIS. THEY... They activated their STUPID machine!"

Before the thought had even fully developed in his brain, Srom was rushing out the door, slamming it shut and running towards Clarksfield School as fast as his fat human skin allowed him. He was angrier than he really had any right to be as he shoved the door to the school open after unlocking it with his janitor's key, before knocking heavily on the door to the basement.

"Hey, you two! Stop messing about, I was watching stuff on the telly and it just SHUT OFF! I know you were messing around in there!" He shouted and screamed loudly before one of his knocks let the door become ajar slightly. It was unlocked, and wide open. Unusual, Srom thought, as he was sure his brothers would lock it. Then again, it was far after school hours. Nobody should've been able to get in, so maybe they just decided to leave it unlocked?

He took a step forth into the basement. It smelled awful and foul, as the lights flickered from the monitors stacked to display information. As his nose reeled from the smell, his eyes adjusted and he saw it. His brothers.

One, was unconcious on the floor. Wilson, in his giant, green Slitheen form, with his skinsuit splayed across his form.

The other... The other...

Davis' skinsuit was on the floor. And his Slitheen form... was now in big green chunks, sprayed across the dark, grungy basement's walls.

Dead. He was dead.

But... how?


	3. Chapter 3

Srom breathed heavily. Panicking. What had happened?

Wilson was unconscious, in his Slitheen form, close to death, and the Slitheen disguised as the teacher Davis was… He _was_ dead. A foul stench clinged to the air - the smell of death in the family. Srom almost started to cry - family was everything to a Slitheen - before finding his composure. He whipped off his brown plaid jacket and flung it to the side, leaving his floral shirt to cover his belly, as he rushed as fast as he could over to Wilson.

"Brother? Speak to me!" Srom cried out, as Wilson's eyes started to flicker open, the inky-blackness of his pupils starting to come to life.

"Oh.. B-brother, it is you… I thought you wanted nothing to do with our p-plan…" Wilson coughed tremendously as he tried to speak, getting caught up by his own words as he did so. "I find it vexing that you would… COugh COUGH… come here in such a time of need.."

"Well, you lot did cause a power outage… you turned my darn telly off! You know how much I love my telly Vex Frep Fex Crive…" Srom chuckled, smiling slightly as if to take away from the dire situation, though the attempt landed flat on its face.

"Yes, I know. You and your pathetic… humanistic needs…" Wilson, truly known as Vex, struggled up, wobbling on his feet as he took a look around before seeing the desecrated corpse of his other brother. He let out a cry of anguish at losing his brother and closest friend, sobbing into Srom's human suit's shoulder. "Whyyy?! To Pawoex… Why did this have to happen?..." Srom exclaims, tortured, before stepping back suddenly. "It was you, wasn't it Srom! You did this!"

Srom was taken aback by the whiplash of the sudden accusation hurled at him. "Um, excuse me?! I would never dare harm one of our own. Not my brother, Vex! Never!"

"And yet you love your human suit, that old, fat man. You've barely even been out of him since we got here! You love human life so much you would rather stay here and live as some lowly human than support our plan to get rich!" bellowed Wilson, growling having extended his claws with a sharp shling sound, getting ready to attack.

"Oh my days. Mate, I just like playing on these human trinkets and living life! There's no need to go from crying on my shoulder to suddenly accusing me when the higher chance is it was just your machine doo-hickey. I get you're distraught, so am I, but…" Srom uttered out in a display of bravado and confidence that Wilson, or Vex rather, had never seen from him before. The moment was quite a tense one, before… ***BFRRaaPppmmtTTTTBFRRTt…**.*

Srom let out one belter of a fart.

It broke the tension, and both Srom in his human suit and Wilson in his Slitheen form broke into a giggly laughter. Tears rolled down both their cheeks as they both fell to the floor, crying in both pain and relief - a relief that they knew they could trust each other. They were both family, after all, no matter their differences. Those differences were not extreme enough to tear them apart, and in fact could now join them together more than ever before.

Now? They had a goal. Find what happened to Davis - and it would not take long to achieve it…

CRASH! A sound could be heard from the school cafeteria. Both David and Srom perked up, with the latter sniffing the air. Almost at the same time, both of them said what was on their mind:

"Human!"

Rushing up the basement steps, they found themselves next to the stairs, where the door to the basement was located. Srom swiftly locked the door behind them, ensuring it would not be tampered with, as Davis grunted and started to rush towards the cafeteria in an almost animalistic-esque bound, the running style of a Slitheen on a hunt! Srom cackled, almost wanting to deny his brother the fun of the hunt, but knowing full well that he needed to stay in the suit for a bit longer to avenge his brother.

The doors to the cafeteria smashed open as the Davis Slitheen smashed himself against the doors, leaving them swinging, barely on their hinges any more. He sniffed the air, and turned his head towards a figure behind the cafeteria. It wielded a small bucket and squeeze bottles, and trembled in fear at seeing the awakened green creature. "GET BACK!" the figure exclaimed. It was seemingly a girl of some sort, based on the voice, though a kitchen light amidst the darkness of the cafeteria blurred out their proper features.

Davis cackled. "What have you got there girlie, vinegar?"

"GIRLIE? I'll have you know I'm more than just s-some mere girlie, you gross oversized gasbag! I'm Alexis, the girlfriend of Jake, the person you murdered! I saw it with my own eyes! You were so focused on… on what you _did_, you didn't even smell me. Hah!" The girl declared almost triumphantly, but still with a sense of fear.

Davis stopped giggling. Their composure dropped almost immediately, turning into a twisted frown. "So you killed my brother in a revenge plot then, hmm?"

Y-yeah! I was hanging out, to get you. You had both been knocked out by your stupid machine, and when I realised as much I went in there and managed to get one of you! But… I couldn't get you. By the time I had figured everything out, I.."

Davis took a step forward as if approaching a dangerous and armed criminal, despite clearly having the power advantage. "My other brother arrived."

"Yeah! And now I'm gonna get both of you, too!" She exclaimed, wielding her squeeze bottle of vinegar almost like a dagger, twirling it effortlessly.

"You sure are a confident human girl… Not as confident as a Slitheen child your age, of course. They would have killed both of us and then the intruder in one fell swoop, wouldn't have even considered hiding!" Davis gloated, before rushing at her. His rush attempt was squandered by her shooting some vinegar at him, which he swiftly dodged - they had almost swapped positions, and he could now make her out more clearly. She had blonde hair, with a giant grey baggy hoodie to go alongside her black school uniform trousers. She had clearly planned this out quite well… Her jade green eyes were dampened by the darkness of the cafeteria, and yet hers still pierced back through the deep blacks of Davis' own. She glared intently at her green nemesis, before bolting it outside. Davis was stunned by her bravery, despite having mocked it earlier, and sniffed the air. He could smell Srom, who was in waiting.

Turning a corner towards the nearby fire exit, Alexis sprinted towards it. If she couldn't kill them, she'd just escape - or at least know where to go _to_ escape. She shoved her hands against the fire exit, banging it wildly - it was shut. Something must've been blocking it from the other side!... And then she turned around.

"Oh, hello! Are you lost, miss? It's no use to be here after dark, y'know. Your parents must be missing you!" inquired a calm, gentle Srom.

"YOU!", Alexis screamed, knowing full well who was in that skin. "You're another one of those creatures! Those skinwalkers!" She sputtered out…

"Wait, what? What the heck are you doing about miss? I just help with maintenance, and there's been a local blackout so I came to check everything in the school was working and up to code." Srom spoke in a measured tone, making sure not to rile her up.

"No! I know.. I saw you!.." she started to sputter out, before her eyes focused on something behind the strange, fat old man. "Oh my god. You've brought him."

Srom looked curiously at her, before turning around. His "fright" was palpable, as he bellowed out a tremendous scream, winking at Davis, before quickly turning and running at the girl in a panic. "Help me! Open that damned door, sweetie!"

Confused, Alexis watched as the Slitheen started to crouch to the floor and bound forwards on its claws and legs. She turned back towards the door and bashed at it, and bashed at it, and bashed at it! Until…

Crrrrrrkkk… the door swung open with a creak, as if it was unlocked the entire time. Before she had time to ponder, Alexis turned back, where the Slitheen had it's giant claw around the old man's neck.

"Run. Never come back, never bother us, never talk about us - as if they'd believe you anyway. Or I will kill this old fool, and then you!" Barked Davis, playing into the bluff that Srom had concocted during the cafeteria encounter. Srom decided that revenge in cold blood wasn't necessary - just scare her off. And that they did. She ran away with her tail between her legs, all the way home. Srom smashed the exit door shut and smirked at Davis.

"Worked, huh? Remote unlock. I press a button and hey presto, the door is open!" Srom smiled and took a bow.

Davis rolled his eyes. "And you put an electronic lock on a fire door… because?"

"For fun! Is… is that not fun? Do humans not do that for fun?" Inquired Srom, with an almost puppy-like quality.

His Slitheen brother sighed. "No. They do not. But… who am I to stop you from trying to have fun like a human would? I… need to accept you're just like that, I guess."

Srom chuckled and offered a beaming grin. "Yep! You do! And heck, you know what? Since we didn't kill her and just scared the pits out of her, why don't we get out true revenge another way?"

Davis raised an eyebrow, before it clicked. "You… want to help? You want to finish what Pawoex and I started? Complete the machine, destroy this planet?"

Srom patted his brother on his giant, green arm. "Yep! Though… only half the planet. The other half can stay. I'm sure that works, right? It can work with only half a planet, yeah?"

"No. No it can't. But I appreciate the optimism… brother." declared Davis.

And for once, he really meant "brother". Despite the loss of the Slitheen known on Earth by Wilson, they breathed a sigh of relief.

"To many more hunts!" Yelled Davis.

"To many more hunts!" repeated Srom, proudly.

They both let out a giant fart - *BfrrrAPPTT* - laughing and giggling and keeping each other tight before going off to continue what they had started.

They were about to end the world. For fun. Not just for profit.


End file.
